I May Not Agree With What You Say, But ...

I am asking myself a question today because I (and most of us) have been guilty of reacting with intolerance when opinions on various issues have been in conflict with my own:

Question:  Whatever happened to, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it"  ???

That is what freedom of speech means.  Respect for all persons and their right to have their own opinions, even when those opinions conflict with our own.  People all claim to believe in freedom of speech, but this belief quickly goes out the window when someone says something they disagree with.

This is evidenced every day, but particularly during this shemozzle with Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty.  So he doesn't understand homosexuality because of his religious background.  So what?  He hasn't called for people to rise up in arms and kill homosexuals.  He has, in fact, said the opposite, that he treats all people kindly, no matter who they are or what they believe in.  Somehow, I believe him.

Let's look at a few facts.

The human race was not formed with a cookie cutter.

People will never agree on all issues.

One cannot exercise freedom of speech and yet deny it to other people at the same time.  This makes one a hypocrite.

Arguing is not the way to convince people to think your way.  Arguing often turns into name calling and bullying - on both sides.  Nobody is innocent once they wade into the BS stream.  I see a lot of bullying on Facebook and other forums where people feel safe because they're hiding behind a computer screen.  I'm guessing they'd shut their big gobs up right quick if the people they're bullying suddenly walked into the room!

If you feel the need to express differing opinions (which we all do, from time to time), then please do it respectfully.  Remember, kindness and respect cost nothing and will come back to you at some time in some form or other.

Using nasty, bullying words as well as making snide remarks behind their back amongst yourselves only affects YOUR energy and YOUR spirit, and gives them control.  Why? Because you are spending valuable time and energy thinking about them instead of going about your own business.  Use your valuable energy on YOU.  And use more of your valuable energy quietly doing a kindness for someone other than yourself instead of bellyaching about someone else's thoughts and opinions.  Seriously, there are better things to do with your time and energy.

Protect your energy and your spirit by minding your own business.  Protect your integrity by showing respect to those with whom you disagree.  That does not mean you agree with them.

Exception would be if what someone is saying is a threat to someone's safety or well being. If it is, the authorities may need to be involved.  If it isn't, just "keep calm and carry on" or "let go and let God" whatever works for you.

The best way to convince anybody of anything is just to BE:
BE the best person you can be
BE the best embodiment of your beliefs
BE a person who lives with integrity

And for heaven's sake, lighten up.  Utilize your senses:

Common sense (to butt out when things don't concern you)
Sense of humour - laugh it off
Sense enough to not sweat the small stuff.  There are more than enough real issues in the world to be concerned with, let's take poverty and hunger for just two examples, as there are too many to list.

Get busy, be productive, keep humour in the mix, and lead by example.  I add prayer to the list because that's who I am.  For me to be completely at peace, I need to be plugged into the Source.

Whatever it takes for YOU, be the best you that you can be.  That is the only way to convince people of anything, if convincing is possible.  It is also the best way to have a spirit which is at peace, whether or not you eventually succeed in affecting another's opinion.

Showing respect to everybody, even the ones we disagree with is a huge step on the path to personal peace. Pray for their well being, send them love and light, wish them peace.  These are all ways to preserve your integrity and your internal peace in the face of disagreement, because what you put out, is exactly what you will receive back. It's always good to remember that.

Love, Light, and Peace

This came to me today because I have had some negative thoughts and made a couple of negative comments over the past couple of days.  I noticed a shift in my level of peace that was palpable.  If you read this and relate, please feel welcome to comment and if you are one of the people I shared negativity with, I apologize.  I didn't realize it at the time, but wow, do I feel it now!

We are eternal spirits living in a temporary body.  An earthly vessel which is easily influenced.  Where we take our influences from determines a large part of our human experience.  There is no room for negativity in our lives.  I am discovering that if I have a negative thought, negativity returns to me.

It is so true that what we put out is what we receive back.  Like attracts like.  It's a process, to learn to not read negative commentary, or indeed, to comment on it myself, but I have to do it.  I have to NOT comment and add negativity to negativity (slaps own fingers).  There is so much criticism of all things and all people in our world that it is truly an insult to our integrity as individuals and as the human species.

I am not perfect, nor do I ever expect to be, but I am trying to focus on positive, to send love, light, and prayer instead of negative reactions, to return unkindness with kindness.  This is the person I want to be.  This is an attitude that will attract love, peace, health, and blessings to our lives and this is my goal.

I have noticed in my world that when I am practicing the positive, good things happen, but when I let something negative slip past me and slip out of me, which I have done in the past couple of days - negativity comes back to me.  I apologize for any negativity that I may have projected, even today.

Note to self:  Banish negative thoughts.  If you start to read negativity, shut it down, pray for the person, send God's love and light.  Do not accept negative people or statements into my world.  Love and do not judge.

If we fill ourselves with positive energy and God's love, emphasis on FILL, then there's no room for anything else.

A tall order?  Yes, but if I don't aim for it, I won't achieve it.  Aim for the stars and if you reach the moon, be happy  :-)

Wishing everyone in my world a love-filled, peaceful, happy day and life, filled with positivity and contentment of heart, regardless of day-to-day circumstances.  Circumstances are temporary - who we ARE is permanent.  Aim to make oneself the best, most positive self that we can be.

A genuine, warm, loving, peaceful spirit, laced with fun and laughter, is the best gift we can give to each other, and to ourselves, at Christmas and every day.

A friend of mine, one of the most positive people in the Universe, posted this after this blog had been written. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and that you join me at this address!

Thank you, Bridgit Miezlaiskis, my neighbour!

Evidence Mounts That Food Addiction is Real and a Contributing Factor to the Obesity Epidemic

So we've tossed around the expressions "carb addict" and "junk food junkie" for years. There is a growing pile of scientific evidence that the pleasure centers of the brain responds to certain food triggers much the same way as opiates or alcohol.

This is one of many studies that may, in time help us figure out why some people gain weight and some people do not.

Studies like these also explain why some of us reach for alcohol when we feel low and others reach for chocolate or potato chips to combat a blue mood. All stimulate dopamine production and make us "feel good" for a while. Hmmm, could this be why people who feel chronically down often gain weight? Especially the fact that like other drugs, in time one needs to consume more and more to get the same result. This actually makes sense.

So folks, can we stop the fat shaming? Shaming someone for walking with a limp or having kidney failure makes just as much sense. If shaming actually WORKED, with regard to any manner of human behaviour, fine and dandy, but it doesn't. All it does is compound the problem by adding a psychological hang-up to the mix. Counter-productive.

There is a physical reason my eyes are blue and yours might be brown. There is also a physical reason why some people may become partial to certain foods, especially processed junk. We do not know everything, but like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, research will eventually put things together.

This is not negating personal responsibility, mind you. We are all responsible for our own lives and health. Understanding a problem is not solving it. The solution can only come from within. Each person has to take responsibility for their own actions, regardless the source of the problem. Like all addictions, people get to the point of conquering it when THEY are ready to face it and not on your timetable or on mine. It's personal, and often painful, as overweight people, even just a little bit overweight, have often endured a lot of really snotty remarks over the years and yes folks, they sting and contribute to an already poor self image.

Just as beating alcoholism is more complex than pouring alcohol down the sink, for some people, weight loss is more complex than "just changing the diet" because in both cases there is a boatload of emotional and psychological issues to go along with it. If these issues are not dealt with, the battle is not won. Hence people in all camps "go off the wagon." With food addiction, this would certainly include regaining the weight, I would think. People go back to bad habits because old issues have not been dealt with.

This study is very interesting and cross-references a lot of other related data.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/07/18/brain-imaging-confirms-food-addiction.aspx

Control Freak? It Might be a Compliment!

Danny Gokey, one of my favourite recording artists, has some of the coolest tweets that roll past me on Twitter.  One of today's was no exception,  "Refuse to let the things you cannot control take control of you." 

From that thought came this one:  What drives you? The things that you can control or the things you can't control?

If it's the latter, you're going to spend a lot of valuable time chasing your tail, just like a lot of amiable pups - spinning in circles instead of using that critical time and energy to propel yourself ahead.

Prime example of something we cannot control is someone else's moods. Yet how often do other people totally throw us off our game?  Dare I say, perhaps sometimes on purpose?

An example:  A few years back, I spent a lot of hours untangling a nightmare which took someone else a couple of years to create.  In the end, I was pleased that it was sorted, and I was just a few tweaks away from having it put to bed permanently.  Perfect. 

Perfect until someone decided to get in a snit about a completely unrelated tiny detail, not time sensitive, and on my radar screen, that had to wait while the nightmare scenario was rectified.  If looks could kill ...

If this had happened in my world 20 years ago, my day would have been ruined by the other person's mood.  I would have lost focus on the task at hand as I turned myself inside out in order to please them - letting go of my own goal.  In this situation, though, I calmly kept my eye on my prize (which I could control) and informed them of the timeline to complete the minor task.  I did not lose my focus on my goal in order to attend to someone else's goal, at the whim of their moods.  

I realized a long time ago that one of many things I have no control over is the moods of others. Therefore, why let that derail a productive day?  So someone pouted for 10 minutes.  Big whoop.  If they can't put on the big girl/boy knickers and get over it, too bad.  

Control or be controlled.  Pick one. 

There are many things such as this that we cannot control in life and we need to learn not to let them derail us.  But that isn't to say not to be mindful of them.  In the above scenario, I took the feelings of the other party into consideration and respectfully informed them of the timeline when they could expect said detail completed.  To not pay attention would have been both irresponsible and rude - unacceptable.  We can maintain control without being becoming bullies or bullish. Maintaining motivation and focus calmly wins the race.

Close to most of our hearts is the example of weight management.  Do not focus on the numbers on the scale.  You cannot control what they do.  You CAN control your actions which contribute to your body's health and metabolism - diet and exercise.  So focus on these things which you have complete control over and the numbers on the scale will eventually take care of themselves.  If you obsess about the numbers, you will spin out, lose focus, get discouraged, derail your diet and exercise plans and not achieve your goal. 

Then there's the weather.  Here's an example of a force that can control both us and our grand plans, as anybody can attest, who has ever spent the weekend in an airport, waiting for fog to lift!  It's an equalizer because nobody can control the weather - not even the people who seemingly strive to control your day.  Some forces are simply beyond our control and yet we have no choice but yield to them!  When it's not quite as obvious as the weather, it takes discernment to determine accurately those forces beyond our control to which it is wise to yield.  If you're accustomed to allowing yourself to be derailed by everything and everyone, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.

Keep your focus.  Just as driving a car, where your focus goes, that's where you end up.  In this light, being a control freak is indeed a compliment.  It means that we get where we're going. Now some people go to heck with it, develop tunnel vision, and run over anybody who happens to be along the path.  This is not focus. Being focused does not equate to being selfish. We can help and encourage others on the way to their goals, without losing focus on our own.  Kindness costs nothing.  It is being a doormat all the time, to the detriment of our own goals, that is problematic. Being kind is always the right thing to do.

Where do you want to be?  How do you plan on getting there?  

To not keep focus will put you on the floor, with the dogs, chasing your tail.  Sure, if enough of you are all down there on the floor, you might play well together, bark, and have lot of fun, but years later you'll still be in the exact same place where you started, while the focused people got to the finish line, then very likely refocused and established new goals and began moving towards them.  All while you were playing around.  

If we aren't consistent and if we constantly fail to achieve our goals, eventually we will lose our credibility and look something like another great tweet of Mr. Gokey's:

"How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?"

So what's it going to be?  You going to take control or be controlled?  It's one or the other.  

Why 50 Doesn’t Frighten Me

This is my first blog entry.  I have no set agenda for this blog or for what I will write about.  It will not be a regularly scheduled blog, nor will it be about one set subject.  I will be writing about the things that move me, that inspire me, that make me angry, make me cry, or make me laugh.  I am a woman with deep spiritual roots and many interests, including health & fitness, seniors' issues, health care, natural medicine, music, history, and current events.

This first entry is about turning 50, which will happen to me in 2013.  It's a privilege, not on the radar screen for every woman.  For example, in Afghanistan, the average teenage girl today will not live to see her 50th birthday.  I am blessed to have been born a woman in Newfoundland, Canada.  I have moved around a little, residing in Nova Scotia (for now).  In this North American culture, most opportunities are not denied me based on my gender.  This is a freedom not all women get to experience.

So.  50.  Big scary number?  It might be that for some people, but not much frightens me anymore.  I’ve lived and learned enough to know that fear is a useless emotion that simply paralyzes us (usually when we most need to take action).  Besides, I actually enjoy getting older - a strange concept for many, I know!

What I enjoy about getting older is that the unimportant things slip away and the important things are what remain in our hearts, minds, and souls, provided we’re open to that type of self-improvement.  Added bonus - the older I get, the less inhibited I am and more open to saying what's on my mind instead of pandering to please other people.  This is a freedom I never felt when I was younger.

As the years go by, it’s not wiser I've become, just more of my authentic self.  The bravado is gone. Well, except in yoga class, when I’ll be darned if any 20-year-old pretzel chicks are going to look down their noses at me – I will do the pose better than they do every time, and hold it longer - supposing it kills me, which it sometimes does!  Apparently I’m far too competitive for yoga. :-)

In October of 2013, if God allows, I get to turn 50 years old. 

50 is Fabulous!!

I have been through far too much to fear a number.  Some of the less pleasant things I have survived include; family illnesses and deaths, miscarriage, divorce, assault, business closures and job loss, poverty, a cancer scare, and the painful deceit of two persons very close to me.  Then for comic relief there were probably 200 bad first (and last!!) dates tossed in there – fodder for another day's post!  

Life consists of happy experiences and not-so-happy ones.  I can't classify them as "good" or "bad" because all helped to mould me.  I hope what I have learned has made me a better, more loving, compassionate, and decent human being. It sounds cliché to say that the hard times have made me appreciate the good times, but cliché or not, it’s the truth.  

It is through the eyes of this life I have lived, that I will express myself as this blog progresses. Life is an adventure.  50 is the new 30 and I'm taking it on with exactly that much enthusiasm.  This is why I am not afraid of 50.

While I am sure the next phase of my life will contain its own unique set of challenges, it will also be rich in blessings, love, laughter, new people, new experiences, and it will be absolutely Fabulous.

To quote from “Calendar Girls,” a favourite movie of mine that portrays female ageing with humour and grace, the next phase of my life “is the most glorious.”  I insist on it.

Bring it on!